There’s just two weeks until Christmas, and Macro Man has yet to purchase a single present. While he knows what Mrs. Macro’s “big ticket” present is going to be, he has yet to come up with a gameplan for the ancillaries. (Mrs. M. is largely taking care of the Macro Boys.) It behooves him, therefore, to put his thinking cap on and draw up a list of things that he thinks the missus might like. Being a generous chap, he’s also drawing up a Christmas shopping list for certain people that he encounters in his professional life:
Train drivers on the Brighton main line: Fisher-Price Fun-2-learn teaching clock. The operators of Macro Man’s morning train services have displayed such a singular inability to stick to the timetable that the only logical conclusion is that they can’t actually tell the time. According to the product blurb, “these two very timely interactive friends help [users] understand both digital and analog time while relating to everyday experiences like lunchtime or bedtime.” Hopefully they help with train tmes as well…
Sell-side equity analysts: A chart of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Hard as it is to believe, most of the sell-side guys out there remain overoptimistic- in some cases farcically so (Macro Man has seen one end-2009 forecast of 1300 for the SPX, for example.) It seems as if these guys are still using old Christmas gifts like Dow 30,000 by 2008, Dow 36,000, and Dow 40,000. Perhaps s simple graphic representation of what is actually going on could bring them to their senses.
Ben Bernanke: A new monetary policy model. Ben has evidently run out of conventional options in the Fed policy game, so he needs another model with which to practice unconventional policy options. Te model to the left offers an inexpensive and attractive way to simulate quantitative easing in the comfort of his front yard.
Jean-Claude Trichet: An orienteering compass. Monsieur famously told us over the summer that he has but one needle on his compass; unfortunately, his seems to be permanently etched on his rearview mirror. It therefore seems appropriate to give M. Trichet another compass that might prove useful in charting a future course, rather than one that merely tells him wherre he has been already.
Hank Paulson: A Dr. Evil dress-up costume. Come January 20, Hank will be out of a job. Based on his handling of the financial crisis (as well as the piss-poor performance of a previous Treasury secretary in his role at Citi), he should struggle to get another job in banking or finance. Fortunately, he has an alternative career in the Austin Powers character lookalike industry, which this gift should help to kick-start. Hank will have to pony up some of his own dough to get the Mini-Me suit for Neel Kashkari, however.
Gordon Brown: 1984. As discussed earlier this week, Brown’s Britain has turned into some dystopian hell. Little did we know, however, that the Ministry of Truth is already in operation; how else to interpret Brown’s recent Parliamentary claim that he has “saved the world“?
Macro Man is a big believer that if you’re going to do something, you should do it properly. So if Gordo is really and truly intent on destroying the fabric of Britain and ensuring that the state runs every aspect of life….well, he might as well learn from the best.
Hopefully the recipients enjoy their gifts. And if any readers have any suggestions (for either public figures or, hint hint, a certain lucky lady)…by all means pass them along!